The Day I Became His Mother

46

May 13, 2012 by mamacravings

mamacravings

The room was hurried. Nurses scurried. Doctors checked. Family celebrated. But I sat still. I wanted to soak in  every detail of the minute 6:33 PM on 12 March 2010, the moment I became a mother.

Elijah Myles was pink, wrinkly, wiggly and loud when he entered this world. And he was healthy. Praise God, he was healthy!

The Day I became his mother

I held him all night. My arms ached. My husband snored softly on the bed beside me. The nurses chided me to get some sleep. I just smiled and shook my head. No way. No way could I sleep. He’s here! He’s finally in my arms. I can kiss his toes and count the hairs on his nearly bald head. I can look into those deep blue baby eyes. There’s no way I could sleep. I spent the night counting his fingers and toes and analyzing his features to whether they were an Ortiz or a Williams trait. For staring at a baby all night, the hours passed so quickly. I frowned at Time for speeding up now that he was finally here.

Finally here. I tried to count the months and even the years that it took for our family to at this point. It seemed like forever. But it could have only been 3 years, maybe even a few months shy of that mark. Without knowing the specifics in time, I knew the exact moment. It was the moment when I prayed for a family.

photo by Maria Hatheway

.

I prayed for a baby every day since that prayer, many times multiple times a day. Sometimes I prayed patiently. Other times in frustration and many times in tears. I prayed persistently and with faith.

I knew God had a plan.

More than a year passed. I celebrated the pregnancies of dear friends, and I continued to wait. I can’t count how many times I read the story of Hannah and her patience as she waited to have her son Samuel.

There were doctor’s visits and lab work, but medically everything seemed great. That was good news, I suspected. Perhaps it was just a timing thing.

I knew God had a plan.

More than year had passed, but it was so worth it. I beamed! I knew everyone must know. I was sure I was terrible at hiding my secret. But I quietly planned how to tell my family. I quietly made doctor’s appointments. Finally! I was going to have a baby!

As full as my heart was during those weeks, it was just as broken the day I lost the baby. I ached for that child. I was physically ill over our loss. I tried to have faith. I tried to be patient.

A few months later brought a second pregnancy. It also brought a second heart break.

I wondered if God had a plan.

I never stopped praying. I needed God more than ever. I didn’t know a heart could hurt this badly and still live. “Please don’t forget me,” I would whisper to God.

Time continued to pass despite how I felt. I clung to God and to His peace and patience.

19 July 2009. I stood in my bathroom, as I had countless times, and peered at a pregnancy test. A faint, pink positive peeked through.

I felt faint. I snatched my phone and shakily dialed my brother’s number. “There’s 2 lines,” I choked out. “To what, Dude?,” he yawned. It took a moment of sputtering and crying, but I finally got him to get it. There was silence and then “Hold on.” I heard footsteps and the door to his office close. When the surroundings were secure, we both whooped and hollered.

“It’s going to be okay this time,” he said. I am so thankful for brothers that will love you through the worst situations and through how you act in the worst situations.

Secrecy was sworn, and I was off to plan the big announcement to my husband, my friends and my family. I was so quiet about the first 2 pregnancies, but I wanted to be sure to celebrate this baby. I wanted to the world to know, and I wanted them to know now.

16 weeks pregnant

Weeks continued to tick by. Thanksgiving brought the news that our little baby was going to be an Elijah and not an Ellie (as I had suspected him to be).

God had a plan.

photo by Maria Hatheway

Baby clothes were bought at an alarming rate. My mother and I giggled and dreamed. My husband bought baseball shoes and even a small tee and bat.

At 31 weeks, I began to complain about some pain. The pains were pretty frequent. I chalked it up to being excited and over-exerted about our move to a new place. As I wobbled and bossed about what goes where. The pain continued. Then I fell. It wasn’t a hard fall, but I did tumble very ungracefully over drawers laid out to be put in the dresser. I fell and Eli quit moving.

We were soon at the hospital. I was in pre-term labor. There were tests, shots, IVs and a lot of prayer.

I spent 6 weeks on bed rest at home. The day I hit 37 weeks, I went into active labor. Nearly 7 hours later, I held my baby boy in my arms. He was here. He was healthy.

photo by Maria Hatheway

For me, Mother’s Day is a moment to remember 3 babies that I lost. I also miscarried a child this fall. In fact, I would have been at full term right now. I ache for them. I cry for them frequently. This morning, as I snuggled with Eli, I asked God to give my 3 angel babies an extra hug. “Tell them I love them. Tell them I will never forget them. Tell them they would be so proud of their brother Eli.”

Mother’s Day is a moment to celebrate my precious son. What a joy I have in raising him! He is smart, funny, handsome and loving. I am so proud of him. I am so proud of the boy he is growing to be.

God has a plan. I cannot wait to see how it unfolds for our family.

I am a mama who has lost. I am a mama who has been blessed. I am grateful for what I have learned through both.

My beautiful blessing

Happy Mother’s Day to those that already hold their children, hold them in her bellies or are holding them in their hearts. Be blessed.

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46 thoughts on “The Day I Became His Mother

  1. Amanda says:

    Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. May you have a blessed Mother’s Day.

  2. Mark says:

    You have moistened my iPad, little daughter.

  3. Beautiful post! I cried for both your losses and your blessings! Happy Mother’s Day and Happy Birthday to Eli!

  4. I share your tears, heartache and joy all rolled up in one. God does have a plan,all that loss is for a reason,and that beautiful blessing is a gift. Happy Mother’s day!

  5. boomiebol says:

    Very heartfelt post! Lovely pictures, and Eli is a bundle of cuteness and heavenly blessing. Happy mother’s day!

  6. Mark says:

    Little daughter, you have moistened my iPad.

  7. Sarah says:

    I love this so much. I remember the day like it was yesterday when Baby Eli came into this world. Thank you for letting me be a part of that special day! I love you & Eli (and Juan of course!) like y’all are my family. You guys mean so much to me. Also, thank you for sharing with us about your losses. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you. You are one strong mama & I know your personal story about your angel babies will help those who have been struggling through the same thing. Love you & HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

    • mamacravings says:

      Love you so much my friend! You are always a source of strength and joy. Happy Mother’s Day to you!!! I can’t wait to snuggle your baby girl! It won’t be long, and we will be talking about the day she is born! :))

  8. jannatwrites says:

    Your son is adorable

  9. jannatwrites says:

    Sorry, I wasn’t done with my comment and it posted…

    What I was trying to write was that your son is adorable and I’m so glad you were able to carry him to term. I teared up as I read about your three lost babies. I thank God that I have not experienced that heartbreak first-hand, but I have wept with friends who have. I admire your faith and will include you in my prayers tonight that your family will continue to grow. Happy Mother’s Day!

  10. Beautiful story. Thanks for posting.

  11. Paula says:

    this is beautiful Casi — what a precious miracle ❤

  12. RJ says:

    What a great story…children are a blessing even those that may have been lost along the way.

  13. emerald says:

    I love you so much. You have, once again left me in tears and awe over your strength. I wish I had been there to comfort you most recently but clearly you are fully aware of God and His plans. Thank you for sharing so deeply from your heart.

    • mamacravings says:

      Gaw, Em! Stop making me cry! I love you back!
      And I can’t wait to celebrate your new little princess coming into this world.

      You such a gem! I cherish our friendship 🙂

  14. Thank you for sharing your story. What a blessing Eli is! I am so sorry that you lost his siblings… I can’t fathom having to go through that. My heart broke for your family when I read about it. Have you ever read Heaven is a Real Place? It’s the true story about a little boy who died but was resuscitated. He later told his parents about meeting his sister (who had been miscarried) in heaven. He hadn’t ever been told about her so he couldn’t have been imagining it, but she was waiting for him when he got there. You will hold your babies and enjoy their presence just as you enjoy Eli now.

    If our Eli had been a girl she would have been Elianna. In fact he was called that for a couple of months in utero between the silly Intelligender test and the ultrasound. 🙂

    • mamacravings says:

      I have read that book! It is one of my very favorites. It was so comforting to read the bit where he met his sister.

      We have incredibly fantastic taste in names. Eli would have been Elaina (Ellie). I called him Ellie for a bit too. Lol

      Thank you so very much for your support!

  15. So sweet!!!! I love your blogs, so real and open and honest. Keep it up 🙂

  16. Staci Smith says:

    Casi I love your stories, what a blessing each one of them are. What a blessing you and Eli are. You know you have a special place in my heart always have, always will.Love you lots.

  17. Keri says:

    So glad that you have Eli to share the day with. So sorry to hear about your losses. I appreciate your honestly, thank you for sharing!

  18. Keilyn Faulkner says:

    Thanks for sharing girl! There are so many families out there that need to know that you can survive after so much hurt and you are living proof. I have enjoyed reading your blogs. Thanks for sharing your and Eli lives with all of us! Just wanna say you have grown into an incredible young woman and I’m proud to know you!

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you so much, Keilyn!!
      I really appreciate it!
      I am blown away by how blessed I am to have Eli. I am absolutely in love with being his mama!
      I’m so proud to know you and your beautiful girls! :))

  19. Daelynn says:

    Absolutely beautiful!!!!

  20. GranNoni says:

    I was taken back to the sad days when your Mother had those same set-backs with bringing childred into the world. You and your brothers are testimonies to her “never-give-up” on God’s Plan. If Eli has a brother or a sister in God’s Time, we will be even more Blessed than we should ever expect to be. Love and kisses to all my Ortiz family.

  21. victoriablt says:

    Hello!! Tag – you’re it!!! Please check my post for “rules” (I really enjoy your blog!!)

  22. […] out has been a late and absolutely wonderful Mother’s Day […]

  23. Your story is very touching…thank you for sharing. You are truly blessed.

  24. This post touched me! I waited a long time to be a mother and I understand the prayers and patience! Your pictures are beautiful!

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