A Convicted Heart


October 22, 2012 by CassieCravings

Around 4 months ago, Eli was potty trained. However, he seems to be going through a bit of a relapse. I know that it’s a normal thing to go through. I have found it a less than enjoyable bump in the development road. To top it off, we’re going through several live changes: a new house, family members moving in and adjusting to a new job. All of these are incredible blessings, but they do change his routine none-the-less.

This weekend, Eli and I were hanging out at my school. We were making copies and doing lesson plans. Well, I was anyway. Eli was making a masterpiece on the dry-erase board. Then he gave himself a makeover.

Eli’s makeover

About an hour into our work, Eli had an accident. He sheepishly looked up at me with dripping pants. I choked down my frustration and reminded him that we go to the bathroom on the potty. Quickly I swept him up and carried him at arm’s length all the way to the lounge to get him cleaned up.

As I washed him up, rinsed out his clothes and scrubbed the floors, I found my frustration growing. “You know better than this. You know how to use the potty. Elijah, I don’t want any more accidents. You don’t wear diapers anymore. I don’t have time for you to regress….” I ranted on. He didn’t respond, so I looked up to see if he was even still in the room with me.

Quietly, he was swallowing his tears and wringing his hands, “I’s still a baby, my mama.”

His words knocked me down. Literally. I sat in the floor unable to breathe. “I’s still a baby, my mama.” echoed in my ears. I reached out my hands for him. His naked baby legs leaped into my arms. I squeezed him tightly and whispered, “You are still a baby. And I was wrong not to remember that. I am sorry for not using my kind words and my kind voice. Will you forgive me?”

His wet eyelashes brushed my cheek. Quietly he kissed my nose and replied, “Yep.”

My little boy, a baby you may still be, but your mama has a lot to learn from your wisdom and patience.


18 thoughts on “A Convicted Heart

  1. whittygirl says:

    Oh my goodness, what a precious mama moment! We can all learn from their sweetness. 🙂

  2. Yep………made me cry.
    We all get frustrated………maybe two was a little lofty for complete potty training…how about compromising with pull-ups? Then if he has an accident it really is no big deal for either of you!
    A vary tender post……what do you teach, level?

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you so much. I really think this is just a phase with everything going on. And most of the time, it doesn’t bother me, or at least I’m better at showing my disdain for laundry 😉

      I teach 5th grade Language Arts and Reading. I also teach 7th grade Language Arts online.

  3. Amy says:

    Awwwwwwwwww!!!! You totally made me almost tear up (I’m at work so I’m hiding it)

  4. I’ve lately been calling my Eli a “big boy” often trying to prepare him for the baby that will be joining us in about 4 months. Last week I noticed Eli was starting to refer to himself as “Baby Eli” and is asking me to stop and just cuddle with him many times a day. It’s made me think twice about pushing him to grow up. Once these sweet toddler moments are past I’m sure I will wish I could go back. I think our babies do have wisdom and bless us with it if we just stop to listen. I will try to remember to be mindful of his baby needs when I am busy with the seemingly greater baby needs of the newborn.

    • mamacravings says:

      I’ve backed off of calling Eli “big boy”. Only because I’m afraid he’s going to realize he’s too big for me…okay that’s a totally selfish reason.

      They do grow up way too fast. It is heartbreaking and exhilarating and adventurous.

      Our little Elis are good little teachers. I can’t imagine that I can teach him as much as he has already taught me.

      • I agree. What a blessing they are! 🙂 I love reading the way you write up all the many lessons Eli brings your way that you share here.

      • mamacravings says:

        Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. It’s certainly not easy throwing my mistakes out there, but I think it’s important. If I don’t know anything else, I know for sure that I will never be the perfect mother. But if I can learn from my mistakes, then I will be the best mother I can be.

  5. Staci Smith says:

    Casi I have told you over and over that you are a GREAT mother, we all have made mistakes in the past as mothers. I have made them myself, we just have to learn from them and it will make us stronger and be a better mother in the future. I love you Casi 🙂

  6. mamasheri says:

    Beautiful story. Thank you

  7. In the same place you were a couple of days ago. My heart is with you! I know how that feels.
    The good news is there is grace in ample supply.

  8. Rayni says:

    “I’s still a baby, my mama.” Holding back tears on this one. Eli is so smart and gentle and loving and all that’s fantastic in a soul. You have a very precious little boy.

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