The Thing About Being Human: Grief and Mourning

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February 22, 2013 by mamacravings

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The thing about being human is that even when you can add up all of the blessings and explain it plainly to your heart, your heart can still hurt.

The thing about being human is that no matter how many blessings you have, you can still lack.

The thing about being human is that there is a guilt that comes with sadness. There is a want to rationalize with yourself. But no matter the mental list of life’s pros and cons, you are still limited to being human with a human heart and human emotions.

About eight months ago, I had a miscarriage. I was supposed to hold a baby in my arms this month. I am not. I was supposed to be gushing over tiny onesies and little socks. I am not. I was supposed to be counting ten little fingers and ten little toes. I am not.

While everyone may say all of the words that are true: You will have another baby one day….It was probably for the best….and the other words that are said to comfort, the fact remains that my heart still hurts.

The thing about being human is that sometimes you just have to be human.

Sometimes  you just have to slow down. Sometimes you just have to mourn what isn’t, what is lost, what is the could have been.

The thing about being human is that sometimes it sucks…poignant, no. True, yes. But the thing about being human is even with sorrow and pain, there is hope.

And with hope, there is possibility.

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26 thoughts on “The Thing About Being Human: Grief and Mourning

  1. They say the depth of love reflects in the depth of grief, some comfort in the agony of loss 😦 so sorry your little one passed on too soon x

  2. mamasheri says:

    It is a heavy burden we women pay for being able to bring forth life. Experienced it myself and see go through it with my goat ladies. The ache remains, regardless…..even when we rekindle joy. May your heart be lifted and eased enough. 💙

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you, my friend. As you say, “It is a heavy burden.” But I wouldn’t have it any other way. It allows me so much love and bonding with Elijah. It is a burden, and it is a blessing ❤

  3. Sarah says:

    I love you ❤

  4. mymotherlied2me says:

    I love this. Great post, it made my heart warm.

  5. The way I look at life is everything happens for a reason. Even though we may not grasp that reason, I think we begin to around the time of our own deaths.
    I wish I could say something kind and uplifting but I have to be realistic, I feel your pain. I went through this myself. Twice, in fact. However, like you said, it just makes you love the one you already have that much more.
    Life is a bumpy, winding, road. I’m glad somewhere along that road I ran across you. 😉

  6. pinkbekah says:

    I think it’s a beautiful testament to your love for the little life you created that you still grieve. I’m sorry that you have a reason to grieve, but it’s very brave of you to talk about it and let others know its ok to share loss and be human.

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you so much, Bekah. It’s not easy. It’s vulnerable and even scary. But it never fails that when I do branch out and talk about it, I get messages and emails about how parents felt alone until someone talked about it.

  7. oana79 says:

    I am sorry for your loss. It’s sad to know that someone who would have been so loved never came to be while so many others who are were never loved…May God comfort you in your loss and redeem your sorrow and pain

  8. sparkmama says:

    I think that too often, people want to try to make those feeling grief feel better, but don’t know how. So they try to offer what, to them, seems like consoling words. And sometimes these words hurt more than they console.

    Sometimes, what we really need is someone that just says “It’s okay to grieve your loss. This is normal. I love you and I’m here for you,” without trying to offer reason or explanation behind the pain.

    So grieve as you need to, mama. It’s okay to take the time you need to mourn the loss of who that little person could have been.

    ❤

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you so much. I know I try to choke it down so that I won’t inconvenience anyone with my less than chirpy demeanor. But the fact is that sometimes it’s best to just hurt and to let yourself feel these feelings.

      ❤

  9. Brian says:

    sometimes, the way we present Christian hope, optimism, positivity etc is downright sinful.
    God bless you in your grief. Don’t feel bad for feeling bad.

  10. It is the ability to feel that grief, and acknowledge it, that make you a wonderful mama. Keep on the journey, and don’t forget to stop and smell the roses x

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you ❤ Little Eli and I both ended up sick this week. It was a bummer, but I was forced to slow down. It allowed me a few moments to just be. It ended up being a blessing in disguise.

  11. Anna Maroni says:

    Hope, a small and powerful word. Even though it hurts you see the word and it seems to help you make it to the next day, hour, or even minute. I feel your pain and understand your hurt. Be strong and you can make it past the hardest parts and survive with the others.

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