Another Step in the Journey: Infertility

39

July 11, 2013 by mamacravings

While you’re reading this, I’m on my way to a specialist’s office a couple of hours from home.  It’s another step on the “Let’s get pregnant!” campaign. In many ways I feel like it’s my last step.

I have tried OBGYNs, homeopaths, reflexologists, midwives and now I’m trying this new specialist. My midwife said that he’s best in Texas, that he is who she would go to if she had to do it all over again. And so I’m going, not bravely, but I’m going.

So far, It has not been anything anyone has been able to fix. It has been years of frustration and loss. My uterus has been called things like “unbalanced” and “out-of-whack”. Bless it’s jankly little heart. The midwife calls my Elijah an absolute miracle, a medical moment that just doesn’t make any physical sense.

While I relish in the knowledge that my blessing of a baby boy has professionals raise their eyebrows, it makes me wonder if asking God for two miracles is too much, too selfish, too ungrateful. I can’t count how many times I’ve apologized when I have prayed for another child. There are no numbers for how many times I have stopped and listened quietly, wondering how many other mamas and will-be-mamas are praying at that moment for a child to hold.

Today as I am up too early and wishing away the wave of apprehensive nausea, I am continuing to pray, continuing to ask, continuing to thank God for my beautiful boy.

I am a ball of nerves, split between ecstatic and nervous. Again and again, I shut down the “what if” thought. But when “what if” shouts too loudly, I relunctantly play it out. The end result of not being successful is that I have a beautiful, healthy son. The end result is probably adopting a precious child that may already be in this world. The end result isn’t terrible at all.

So, I’m off on another step in my journey, one that is scary because it is unknown. But I am taking it with hope and with determination, timidly though my steps may be.

 

If you have a moment today, and you happen to think of my little journey, would you pray for me?

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39 thoughts on “Another Step in the Journey: Infertility

  1. Corinne says:

    I’ll say a prayer for you xxx

  2. larva225 says:

    Best thoughts and wishes to you!

  3. Thinking of you and good luck x

  4. hodnad says:

    Absolutely praying for you! God is Faithful, never once are you alone in this journey. I love you!

  5. Praying for you right now!

  6. Way to bravely go after what you truly desire…no shame in that. Hoping that this specialist will find a way to help your family grow!

  7. Hugs and prayers to you! God knows the nature and desires of your heart. Good luck!

  8. Diane Schweinhagen says:

    it will all be worth it

  9. yaybaby says:

    You don’t have to ask twice. You will be in my prayers tonight and always.

  10. mymotherlied2me says:

    Praying 🙂

  11. Travel Lady says:

    Best wishes on this journey. It is tough, and each person has to go through it on their own terms. I am now on the homeopath route after too many hospital visits.

    • mamacravings says:

      Thank you so much. I’m doing mostly homeopath. In fact, I took about a 6 month break from any modern medicine on my fertility journey. I only went to a reflexologist. I found a midwife who I adore and she suggested this next specialist. So, I’m taking the plunge. We shall see 🙂

      Good luck on your journey as well. ❤

  12. I am praying for you at this moment. God has a plan for you; he just hasn’t revealed it yet! I have been there and it’s ok to question and wonder and be confused about it all. Let others carry you through this difficult time with their prayers.

  13. iammrsf says:

    Praying for you. Just have faith that God will give your heart’s desires in his own PERFECT time! 😉

  14. God be with you. I pray all went well. May Gods will be done in your life. blessings to you, your little one and your family. Children are true blessings from God. I pray it is Gods will for you to be blessed with another. Gods time, not our time. Ugh. (I dislike that part ;)).
    All the best my blogger friend 🙂

    • mamacravings says:

      Hugs, my friend ❤ You always leave me the most encouraging and lovely comments. I look forward to reading what you write every time.

      Thank you so much! All is going well so far. It's been 2 trips to Dallas and countless trips for labs so far. But it will all be worth it in the end. And it is all a part of this journey. 🙂

      • Thanks for your reply, for some reason it gave me a big boost of love and comfort 🙂

        Thanks for the update as well! I will keep you in my prayers.

      • mamacravings says:

        Absolutely 🙂 Your’e a doll! I go back to Dallas tomorrow….This is trip number 4…or 5. Eh. Who keeps count. Anyway, it’s a lot of travelling but all for a good cause 🙂

  15. I know exactly what you are going through. I dealt with inferility in the early 90’s. It took five years of trying before my daughters came along. I spent all of that time on my knees, begging God to hear me. He is Good. I will pray for you, many hugs.

  16. yaybaby says:

    You truly are a special lady. you have been in my thoughts and prayers. Your blog is so sweet and a great read. I nominated you for a Liebster Award. You can get more information about it on my blog. http://yaybabyblog.com/2013/07/22/yay-baby-nominated-for-a-liebster-award/

  17. Mama Carmody says:

    I just said a prayer for you. May you hear God’s answers clearly. God bless you. You are a wonderful momma.

  18. Aunt Paige says:

    I love you Casi and you are a fantastic mother. I’m praying for a brother or sister for Eli!

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