January 19, 2016 by mamacravings
There is this unnecessary pressure that I put on myself. I’m not sure how much of it was formulated from what society expects of me or from my own twistings of the definition of mama, wife, and woman. Either way, the expectations are relentless and impossible.
The feats to be conquered in a twenty-four hour period by only one person is unrealistic: excel at my growing career, have a sparkling house, prepare a gourmet and made from scratch meal which also must be organic (that will obviously be re-purposed into pinterest-worthy, cookie-cutter shaped lunches for the next day), sweat myself into a banging bod, write the next best-selling novel, market the blog, write articles and distribute said articles, keep up on current events and pop culture, meditate and pray, nurture friendships, write “thank you” notes, be thoughtful enough to warrant my own “thank you note”, complete a research-driven and sleep-enticing bedtime routine for my son, pick out an all-together outfit that’s both trendy and classic and modest (but not prudish) for the next excellent work day, have mind-blowing sex with the husband, and still remember to take my makeup off before bed.
Twenty-four hours. One person.
If anyone else confided that these were the expectations for herself, I would bless her heart and tell her to get a clue (in my sweetest southern way, of course). Yet I ask the impossible of myself, and then feel like an utter failure when I can’t deliver.
What if I focused my energy on who I am instead of what I have/have not accomplished? What if my mile-long to-do list was no longer the yardstick with which I measure my worth? What if I gave myself a break?
What if my mile-long to-do list was no longer the yardstick with which I measure my worth? What if I gave myself a break?
Today I have crumbled up my neatly organized to-do list into a tightly wadded ball. Once I moved past the initial panic in doing this, I feel relieved and even free. I am not defined by how much I can get done from sunrise to sunset. I am me. It’s as simple as that, and I will celebrate me as such.
I have scrawled out a new to-do list.
- Laugh with my son
- Say something to make my husband know that he’s loved
- Make a co-worker feel important
- Have time for myself (**note: Don’t apologize for it.)
The dishes may pile up. We may be eating cereal for dinner. But it’s okay. The world won’t implode. My world won’t implode. In fact, my life will be more balanced and even more fulfilled because I am living as me and not as an impossible version of a suped-up idea of what I should be.
It’s all about that proverbial four letter word: Balance. I strive for it daily. I seem to keep missing the mark. But I know one thing today, I will be counting what I got to do and not what I didn’t get done.