November 15, 2016 by CassieCravings
To my First Born,
Within just a few weeks you will no longer be an only child but will have graduated to big brother. When people ask, you say that you are excited about being a big brother. That sheepish grin and that anticipating flush assure me that you mean what you say. But there behind your eyes, just past the gleam of your childlike dream of becoming a big brother, I catch a hint of worry.
No one else would notice. However, you and I are closer to each other than with any other person on this earth. We know each other on a level that only mother and child are able. Your heart first began to beat within my womb. Those first jerky, unsure movements of your tiny, flailing limbs were mine to feel. It was through my body that you were birthed and breathed life. So, while the world gives you a hearty slap on the back of congratulations, I suck in my breath at that tiny hint of hesitation. And I worry with you.
While I wish desperately that I could promise you that things will not be different: that you will get all of the attention you are used to getting and deserve, that you will still be the first person to whom the family flocks on those visits back home, I cannot. Things are going to be drastically different. Attention will be divided. Grandmas and cousins will immediately want to hold the baby before even saying “hello” to the rest of us.
Even with change, there are principles that hold true.
I love you. That will never change. No matter how many babies we add to our family, I will continue to love you with my whole heart. And I will love each one of them with my whole heart as well. You see, hearts are not divided like fractions. They don’t fit together like puzzle pieces. Love doesn’t have to be crammed in to fit. Love is boundless. It has no borders. It does not run out of room. I will love you until the end of time, and I will love you fully.
You are my firstborn. There is no other child in this world who can ever hold that title. Because of you, I became a mother. With your birth my world was altered in a way that no other life event can mimic. Holding your wrinkled, wriggling body in my arms was a defining moment. My entire view of the world changed in this instant. As you were placed onto my chest for the very first time, I was more kind, more open, more understanding, more patient and more me than I had ever been. The world suddenly made sense and was suddenly more terrifying. You, my first born, made me a better person.
While things will change, we will hold true. Change is a part of life. This evolution to big brother will be one of the most challenging and rewarding stages of your young life. Your little brother will learn from you, and you from him. With the birth of this baby, you are not losing a bond with your mama but gaining an unshakable bond with your little brother.