The Story of Stroke: Learning to be me again Part 5

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February 27, 2017 by mamacravings

If you have missed the first parts of the story or need to catch up, here are parts 1-4: Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4

I focus the next several days defying whatever doctors say I am capable of doing. They are a phenomenal team of doctors, armed with years of research and experience. But they had yet to deal with me. They rarely cared for a young mother who needs to be home with her children. It is a drive that cannot be matched.

The doctors say that I will be in the hospital for several weeks which will be followed by at least a month of inpatient rehab for physical therapy. I listen intently. I smile politely. Then I make my own goals. 

“Today I will use the bathroom on my own,” I declare one morning at breakfast. My mom raises her eyebrows curiously. It’s an odd statement, certainly one I have never made before, and certainly one I  didn’t think I would make at a meal or on a morning when only minutes before I had to use a bedpan to relieve myself. She nods in agreement as if it is a fine goal to make. She doesn’t balk at the goal or challenge it. 

The next time the nurse checks on me, my mom asks for a “potty chair” to put next to my bed, as I still cannot walk or even stand on my own.

That day I used the bathroom on my own.

The next morning at breakfast, I declared that I would be standing on my own by the end of the day. And so I did.

Tasks that used to be so mundane, actions for which I forgot to be grateful, suddenly became my greatest feats. New goals are made: taking a step, feeding myself, walking with a walker, holding my baby, pumping without someone holding the bottles to my breasts… Every day there was a new goal. Every day there was a purpose. At breakfast each new declaration is like looking at a mountain. I work. I do not give up. I struggle. I persist. With that drive and with the support of those surrounding me, I recover at a rapid rate.

Before the stroke, I would strive for perfection. Now I strive for authenticity. I celebrate each step towards healing. I am grateful for those who surround me, for a body that is intent on healing, for a God who chose to spare me, for a purpose that is bigger than me.

There is still a long road ahead of me. In the middle of January, I went home. However, I am writing today (27 February) from a hospital bed. I’ve been here nearly a week. Again. My recovery had a bit of a setback. It certainly was not in the plan. I certainly am disappointed to be back on the 6th floor of this hospital, in the familiar hallway of the stroke unit. I am facing this stay in the hospital with the same resolve as the last one, with the drive to get home to my family.

The road is long. It is difficult. I am weary. I am grateful for the journey. Without a doubt I know that along the way, I will learn to be me again.

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25 thoughts on “The Story of Stroke: Learning to be me again Part 5

  1. She-Ra says:

    Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are in my thoughts. ❤

  2. I’m so sorry to hear that you are in the hospital again. I hope you will go home to your babies again very soon. Stay strong. You are an inspiration!

  3. acupofsocal says:

    Stay strong mama! I cried reading your story and finally all caught up. I’ll be praying for your recovery. Don’t lose faith!

  4. You have grit allowing us into your life and giving us the low down and feelings that we would not know about if you had not told us.

  5. A woman who can think through these inspiring posts is a woman who will prevail. Still keeping you and your family in prayer. Peace and blessings.

  6. I’ve spent the past 4 hours reading through your story, post by post, and am so devastated to hear you’re back in the hospital. In 4 hours you, your friends, family, and journey have become so unbelievably precious to me, and I’m so grateful for that. I’m sending love and wishes for healing your way, and hope with all my heart that your recovery is swift and thorough.

    Sincerely, Natalia

  7. Best wishes to you and continued prayers for your recovery. I hope you get back home soon.

  8. Ahhhhhh!! You just get it!! I could not explain to someone who hasn’t been there, the drive to heal for my babies. I have five daughters nine and under, amd I have a second heart surgery very soon. I’m weary too. I want to just Be Better and put it all behind us, but God..God wants to use all this to make me like Him, strong and patient…and all to bring Him Glory..so I rise to face another day. I’ll pray for you. Will you pray for me?

  9. Thank you for your courage and determination, and willingness to share this incredible story. May God bless you and your family and give you a full recovery.

  10. Sarah says:

    You are an inspiration. Please continue to share your journey with us 💙

  11. You will prevail, don’t give up. 🙂

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